Dating failure is Beyonce’s fault!

Last week Michelle and I went on a ‘kinda blind date’ with each other. A friend in common said we must meet and she was… oh, oh, oh, so right! The instant match was more synchronised than the two back up dancers in Beyonce’s “All The Single Ladies” music video.

If you could picture us in black leotards, the almost three hr ‘dancing’ went like this: Michelle would share anecdotes on modern dating failure and I cheekily backed it up with BS.

Not the kind of BS you are thinking about, but Behavioural Science and the psychological component behind dating failure.

When everyday figures constantly tell us that ‘if you like it, then you should have put a ring on it’, unconsciously we absorb pre-conceived ideas of what IS the PERFECT relationship. But if we do not fit the image of a couple or we are not fast enough to tie the knot, we are doomed to fail. Now, we start blaming QueenBey for our dating failures!

The line ‘Cause you had your turn, but now you gon’ learn what it really feels like to miss me’ quietly normalises revenge and punishment as  a way to relate to  others. It tells us that relationships are a constant transactional dynamic of what you do to me and what I do to you. Constantly keeping score in an unhealthy tit for tat.  Now, listen to this :BS (Behavioural Science, remember?):  Psychology says that punishment is the worst technique to influence behaviour. It causes unbalanced emotional responses and does not actually offer any information about more appropriate or desired behaviors.

So people, really, stop punishing others ASAP!.

Hold your horses members of ‘The Beyhive’, I must re-vindicate QueenBey. With the line Don’t be mad once you see that he want it’ Beyoncé urges us all to tap into (bad pun) the 90’s Spice Girls wisdom of knowing ‘what I want, what I really, really want’. To create our very own choreography of what a couple is, and even better start learning the moves to dance our feet off to achieve it. Orchestrating this is hard yet achievable, trust me, I swear on my BS experience this tune will enable us to have much more satisfying relationships.

Now Michelle and I understand why we had to meet. Two single ladies that ‘put the hands up’ on the belief that reflecting on pop culture, society and most importantly working on ourselves can take dating ‘to destiny, to infinity and beyond… Oh, oh, oh!’

DrFabiolaBarbaPonce

 

By Dr. Faby Barba Ponce

PhD Organisation Psychology
Masters in Management and Social Development ( U de G, Mexico)
BA Psychology Honours (ITESO, Mexico)

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